Today i encountered two deaths. One was the death of an old musician, one well past his seventies. He had a steadily deteriorating health and finally succombed to the frailties of age.
The other was the accidental death of a young man in a road accident. He left behind a young wife and a 9 year old daughter.
It was a poignant day.
The sorrow and loss is real. But now in aftermath, what i think is why is this affecting me so hard?
what i am thinking is which death would i have? One is a natural death after a life long and well lived. But in his failing years his family had to witness the wilting away of one loved. He had to suffer through the pains and indignities of old age. would i like to impose such a horror on my successors? i think not.
in the other alternative a life half lived was wasted away at the tires of the instrument of death we Malayalees call "Tipper Truck". This unnatural death made an stupendous loss to his family. The man's mother is in hospital unable to comprehend the death of her son, a promised and loving son.
On consideration i am more likely to face the second death seeing as I am a person who has to commute a lot tackling roads and traffics that are the greatest homiciders around.
But the question is would i like to impose such horrors on my family? i am a person who loves my family a lot. I am not naive enough to suggest that i may live a bachelor life, no my hormones and again considerations for my parents null that option. and again do i want to have the death that old maestro had? No.
so what is a person to do? if i am to have an accidental death that is surely beyond my control. If i let a fear of such a death influence my life I would be the greatest fool ever. But if by god's grace i survive to live long, would i want to impose such horrors on my family? i am really afraid that it too might be out of control. after all family too wants to impose their own restrictions once one gets past an age.
so now is the time to develop alternative strategies!!!
i have always dreamed of going on pilgrimage on my waning years. the idea arose from reading a story where the chief minister of a princely state in pre-independence era, after retiring from his job and fulfilling all his duties like seeing his children well settled left his home with his wife to lead a life as a rustic pilgrim. in ancient times it was called "Vanaprastha". it is a shame that today that is no longer considered possible.
My dream is to leave my home after an age of 60 or so and elope to Himalayas!!! wont it be great and peaceful to die amongst the stars and the snow? of course in one way it is ignominable. I will be hurting my family but still if i could make them understand my ideology wont that be the greatest way to leave this world?
Reaching Haridwar spending time in satsang with sages at the banks of Ganga and then ascending to the Himalayas in search of the final resting place!!! Elephants have their legendary elephant grave yards so why cant have one?
That is a question!!!
but of course all this is possible only if i live to the age of 60!!! going by the present rate i dont give much betting chance to that!!! Traffic and Solanaceae have a greater odds of getting to me!!!
