Thursday, March 12, 2009

The end - Doors

This is the end
Beautiful friend
This is the end
My only friend, the end

Of our elaborate plans, the end
Of everything that stands, the end
No safety or surprise, the end
Ill never look into your eyes...again

Can you picture what will be
So limitless and free
Desperately in need...of some...strangers hand
In a...desperate land

Lost in a roman...wilderness of pain
And all the children are insane
All the children are insane
Waiting for the summer rain, yeah

Theres danger on the edge of town
Ride the kings highway, baby
Weird scenes inside the gold mine
Ride the highway west, baby

Ride the snake, ride the snake
To the lake, the ancient lake, baby
The snake is long, seven miles
Ride the snake...hes old, and his skin is cold

The west is the best
The west is the best
Get here, and well do the rest

The blue bus is callin us
The blue bus is callin us
Driver, where you taken us

The killer awoke before dawn, he put his boots on
He took a face from the ancient gallery
And he walked on down the hall
He went into the room where his sister lived, and...then he
Paid a visit to his brother, and then he
He walked on down the hall, and
And he came to a door...and he looked inside
Father, yes son, I want to kill you
Mother...i want to...fuck you

Cmon baby, take a chance with us
Cmon baby, take a chance with us
Cmon baby, take a chance with us
And meet me at the back of the blue bus
Doin a blue rock
On a blue bus
Doin a blue rock
Cmon, yeah
Kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill

This is the end
Beautiful friend
This is the end
My only friend, the end

It hurts to set you free
But youll never follow me
The end of laughter and soft lies
The end of nights we tried to die

This is the end
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Sunday, November 2, 2008

A day of deaths

Today i encountered two deaths. One was the death of an old musician, one well past his seventies. He had a steadily deteriorating health and finally succombed to the frailties of age.
The other was the accidental death of a young man in a road accident. He left behind a young wife and a 9 year old daughter.
It was a poignant day.
The sorrow and loss is real. But now in aftermath, what i think is why is this affecting me so hard?
what i am thinking is which death would i have? One is a natural death after a life long and well lived. But in his failing years his family had to witness the wilting away of one loved. He had to suffer through the pains and indignities of old age. would i like to impose such a horror on my successors? i think not.
in the other alternative a life half lived was wasted away at the tires of the instrument of death we Malayalees call "Tipper Truck". This unnatural death made an stupendous loss to his family. The man's mother is in hospital unable to comprehend the death of her son, a promised and loving son.
On consideration i am more likely to face the second death seeing as I am a person who has to commute a lot tackling roads and traffics that are the greatest homiciders around.
But the question is would i like to impose such horrors on my family? i am a person who loves my family a lot. I am not naive enough to suggest that i may live a bachelor life, no my hormones and again considerations for my parents null that option. and again do i want to have the death that old maestro had? No.
so what is a person to do? if i am to have an accidental death that is surely beyond my control. If i let a fear of such a death influence my life I would be the greatest fool ever. But if by god's grace i survive to live long, would i want to impose such horrors on my family? i am really afraid that it too might be out of control. after all family too wants to impose their own restrictions once one gets past an age.
so now is the time to develop alternative strategies!!!
i have always dreamed of going on pilgrimage on my waning years. the idea arose from reading a story where the chief minister of a princely state in pre-independence era, after retiring from his job and fulfilling all his duties like seeing his children well settled left his home with his wife to lead a life as a rustic pilgrim. in ancient times it was called "Vanaprastha". it is a shame that today that is no longer considered possible.
My dream is to leave my home after an age of 60 or so and elope to Himalayas!!! wont it be great and peaceful to die amongst the stars and the snow? of course in one way it is ignominable. I will be hurting my family but still if i could make them understand my ideology wont that be the greatest way to leave this world?
Reaching Haridwar spending time in satsang with sages at the banks of Ganga and then ascending to the Himalayas in search of the final resting place!!! Elephants have their legendary elephant grave yards so why cant have one?
That is a question!!!
but of course all this is possible only if i live to the age of 60!!! going by the present rate i dont give much betting chance to that!!! Traffic and Solanaceae have a greater odds of getting to me!!!

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Logging out for next season.

i am leaving bangalore and my job for about 2 months as it is time for my semi-annual season. this is not duck hunting, witch hunting or even because of winter season, but even more ominous my exam season.
so yesterday after bidding adieu to my beloved site at nagawara i took early leave and came home. now i am at my bro's home in sarjapur. on the way over i started to reminiscense with my other bro with whom i stay. he just experienced an accident in which his car was spoilt due to his courteousness. he was taking a legal U turn at mekhri circle to go to his office when he slowed down to let an elderly couple pass. after they passed while he was taking the turn a dumb-ass omni driver who was bumper to bumper tookthe curve on the inside when there was barely a space for a cycle to go. my bro's car's entire right side was scratched and the right rear door has to be replaced. a shouting match ensued and the dumb shit driver and owner even resorted to physical actions on my bro. but since my bro is of similar physical disposition as myself the two fools were thrown off unceremoniously.
anyway my bro was mad about this incident and i too had numerous incidents with the patented driving skills of bangalore drivers and we started to express our opinions. and we reached an unanimous decision that we hate bangalore for its traffic and bangaloreans for their driving skills. i am not a person who can hate anything completely. bangalore is a city i had come to know, i do love it sometimes. even bangaloreans i like, after all i had experienced the rarest of the rare, two gentlemanly auto rickshaw drivers of bangalore!!!! but still it is a fact nevertheless.

i dont know if it is a phenomenon everywhere in india, but in kochi where i have many driving experience i have never met such blatantly ignorant and selfish drivers. in bangalore i have been angered by auto rickshaws and BTC buses which clog up the traffic by riding in the center lane at 15 KMPH. i have hated trucks which ride in outer ring road trying to overtake each other like one snail over taking another blocking the entire traffic.
i have felt like cursing at the drivers of TVS mopeds and dumbass cyclists who drive so stupidly through the middle of busy roads while blocking the entire roads, ignoring all traffic signals and rules and making life so hazardous for other travellers.

seriously i have never met such acutely traffic impaired drivers.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

long time no see

it has been a long time since i blogged here. one reason was that until 2 months ago my life was more stagnant than the mosquito drains of kochi and another reason was a well wished comment from a well wisher who dissuaded me from blogging.
perhaps i am really that exquisitely bad at this!!!

anyway now i am back with some more maturity(I hope!!) and a lot more experience to define my life with.

i am now in bangalore doing an interesting job in an interesting industry for about 2 months now. my being aware of an opening and my joining took just 3 days. i knew about the job on july 27 and by aug 1 i had joined.

my job is in construction sites where i have the opportunity to observe a variety of peoples. it is in sites like this that i see social ranking in action. in a site heirarchy is rigid. architects on top, consultants next, then engineers, then supervisors, then skilled workers and last unskilled labour.
i, being an engineer, and thus endowed the white hard hat am considered at the top of the food chain. it is pretty embarassing for a person like me. when ever i climb the stairs or come across laborers or security guards they all are immediately wary as if i am some sort of a Big Boss!!! i find it funny and very disconcerting. people who are as old as my father call me Sir and stand when i talk to them!!! and the most interesting thing is to see the seasoned pros in this industry who take all this as norm. i have interacted with consultants who consider anyone of lesser rank than a supervisor as scum!!!
some engineers and the consultants and architects who have long experiences and spend less time in field consider themselves so superior to the other people that it is galling.
to people like that i want to get 3 250 KG gas cylinders up 6 floors. i had to get such a work done. it was excruciatingly difficult. no service lift, no cranes, all materials lifted up six floors and i had to get such a cargo up. finally i had to beg and cajole a gang of 10 to get the job done and they did for 900 rs. after i gave them money they were so happy i was surprised!!! they all insisted on shaking my hand and i obliged. from then on whenever i encountered them on site they always greeted me with warm smiles.

seriously i want to ask those egoistic consultants how can they ever get a job done without such helpful people!! after all not always will money work!!!

Monday, September 22, 2008

Experiencing the garden city

DISCLAIMER: this post should have come sooner but for some nasty internet flop ups. i am too lazy to edit it, so read it as it is. :D

indeed it has been a long time since i blogged. partly it was due to a well meaning discouragement i received from a "well wisher". partly because my life was going nowhere and there is nothing imaginative in stagnance.
but for the past one and a half months my life was seen tumultous change. from an unemployed bum now i am a working professional. i am gaining strides in self confidence and earning valuable experience.
bangalore is truly a remarkable place. not that i love this city in its entirety but it has its charm and wonders. some experiences of mine have really stunned me even in hindsight!!
for the first three weeks of work here, i referred to b'lore only as this friggin city. that was because i was a patron of BTC, namely Bangalore Transport Corporation, the infamous public bus system of Bangalore. The fact of my site and my place of residence being on opposite corners of b'lore did not help either. i had to commute in a minimum of 4 and a maximum of 10 buses everyday. the event i am going to describe happened on august 14, more famously known as Pakistan's Independence Day.
on that day i had boarded the regular bus to marathahalli from bellandur. naturally it was a re-enactment of wagon tragedy, filled with tired laborers on their commute home. getting inside the bus itself was a luxury and most had to adjust by having to hang from the windows. it was in this strenuous ride that it started to rain. i expected that such a turn of events would make people more uncomfortable and hence more unfriendly. but i saw and experienced something magical happening. the people who till then brooding silently started to crack jokes and the entire bus got a jovial mood. it were the people who were the most uncomfortable who were the loudest at laughing at and cracking jokes, me included.
finally i reached marathahalli in one piece and started the trek upwards to the bus station. the slope of the underpass created a river of mud flowing down. i waded up , already being drenched despite my insufficient rain jacket. the van ride and the subsequent bus ride are inconsequential except for the long wait which i had taken to be a frustrating norm and being drenched to the skin in which there is nothing remarkable at all. by the time i reached the shivaji nagar bus terminal i was drenched, cold and shivering. the station was crowded with people and empty of buses. swearing at all the people who directly or indirectly led me to this point of time, i went looking to catch an auto to get home.
the autos in bangalore, and on second thoughts everywhere are amazing examples of murphy's law in practice. when u dont want one u are heckled by them trying to lure u into a drive. but when u actually need them they either conveniently run out of fuel or in supreme arrogance they refuse the ride.
that was teh situation i found myself in. time was 0930PM and i had to leave the next day at 0300AM to go home. i asked many auto wallahs to give a ride. they refused. then i sought to bribe them going as much as rs. 200 for a rs.50 ride even at night. they refused. then finally i had to beg a person who had refused me twice already. i weaved a plaintive story liberally infused with my very real cold induced shivering and stammering. i also raised the loot to rs.250. thankfully he accepted to take me home. i got in expecting him to leave but was stunned when he started hoarding other passengers to share the ride. apparrently he thought all people would be as desperate or as crazy as me as all the people who approached him turned down the rate he offered. finally after yet another 15 minutes we started.
if i thought i would have a steady ride now, i was yet again mistaken. this guy, being a consummate businessman stopped everywhere 5+ people congregated trying to lure an extra rider. at that point i offered him rs.275 and 50 paise the entire contents of my purse.
to make matters worse the lighter which i always carried with me was missing i teh confusion and i could not light up the very wet cigarettes i had in my pocket. i asked him for a match and he said he had none. resigned for a nicotine deprive cold ride, i was surprised when the driver pulled to the side and went off to buy 2 cigarettes and a match box for me!!
only a smoker can understand how much gratitude such an act generates!!! in that instant when i took the first puff i forgave him for all the waiting and all the ignominy he forced me to experience.
and that too without being bidden!!! i asked for a light and i get two kings and light!!
i reached home that night at 1030.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

gentlemen and pussies

no.
i am not referring to the great interest displayed by men regarding that particular portion of feminine anatomy.

rather i am talking about gentlemen being generally compared to pussies, or people with significant absence of backbone, or any masculine coarseness.

the more prevalent notion of gentleman is the image of the victorian age european man , a metrosexual individual who had an equal interest in fine apparels and materials as do women of all ages. they too liked to adorn themselves in the best garments like silk, fur etc, they had as much penchant for cosmetics as do women. in fact their code of conduct would be condemned effeminate by most of us retro sexual males.

or in other words we call them pussies.

but are gentlemen really pussies? a gentleman is one of refined character and dignified personality. he converses splendidly, is highly articulate, chivalrous and a best example of civility.
pussies are vain, spineless variations of male gender who disdain physical labors and seem to display a paranoid revulsion to sunlight and all activities connected with vitamin D.

the reason i bring out this dichotomy is because due to a large number of pussies hiding under the garb of gentlemanliness, all gentlemanly attributes are considered to be pussy!!!

i seek to prove the contrary.

a gentleman is defined as " a gentleman is a person who knows precisely when to stop being a gentleman". this means a gentleman knows the precise limits to his courtesy and civil manners. a gentleman knows the correct time to shed his arts of diplomacy and launch a perfect punch better than the best of the bar room brawlers!!!

whereas a pussy will cry out when unduly intimidated, a gentleman stands his ground and when reaching the end of diplomacy and civility sheds his raiments of civilization and can fight in teh mud with the worst elements of society, and once hostilities terminated his gentlemanly conduct reveals faster than his skin colour under all the mud of the fight.

now you might be wondering why is this blithering fool bla blahing all about this gentleman stuff!!!

the reason is i see myself as a gentleman!!!

okay, now stop laughing (and rechecking what i just typed above), i am serious.
though i do disdain the vain raiments and garments attributed to gentlemen i seek to espouse the code of values that has defined gentlemen for ages. the codes espoused by the knights templar of renown, of the great samurai, of the great rajputs, the world conquering victorian britons, i seek to espouse that code of conduct.

in todays world these qualities are highly disadvantageous. when the wily and crooked rules the day, gentlemen are cornered. when the socialism and communism is at power and the coarseness and roughness of serfdom is glorified, the refinement of the erstwhile nobles are denounced. but it is precisely that nobleness in personality that i seek to espouse in my character. i do not though seek to emulate the racist characters of these upper!!!

my idol of gentleman is a fictional character of immense depth and magnificence. he is Dr. Hannibal Lecter MD. though i do not empathize with his cannibalistic tendencies the refinement of character, his gentile tastes in art and fine material, his immense intellect and mental powers, his astounding social grace and charm, yes the single greatest gentlemanly character, charm, these i admire a lot!!!

when i see the movies of hannibal fame, and when i read the trilogy, it is not the cannibal genius who strikes me, but the articulate gentleman that he is. even incarcerated in the baltimore mental hospital, he lives in his own mnemonic world of extra ordinary charm, grace and beauty. cohabiting the worst psychopaths imaginable he is an epitome of courtesy and charm to clarice and the inimitable barney!!!

now that is what i see myself to be!!! that is what i seek to be!!! a revelation??? a peek into future??? who knows?????

ha ha ha ha ha

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

dolphins, ships and palaces

now, you must be wondering which brand of dope have i smoked today for creating such a senseless heading for a post that will surely prove to be senseless!!!

no, i am afraid i have to mash up ur brains again!!!

2 days back i had an extraordinary trip!!!
my father's niece suni and her husband hari and daughter kunji had come to kochi for a few days' hols. now hari chetan is an inspector general, one of the senior most police officers in kerala!!!! a very gem of a character with exemplary humility and tact!!!
the day they came i mentioned the operation of a ship plied by KTDC, kerala tourism development corporation, which goes into outer sea and after showing sunset to the passengers comes back to kochi!!!
after i had relayed the news to my parents and aunts, they had been very excited, so was suni chechi!!
the next day she called me up and said , get ready by 3pm. we are going for that sunset cruise!!!

i was thrilled.

we went in the official police ambassador car. i thought we must be going to the wharf near ernakulam high court but we drove on to fort kochi, the picturesque quarter of kochi city!!!
i was flabbergasted when the vehicle drove on to the coast guard station there!!!
there we were escorted to the commandant's guest room, a palatial luxury room with lots of cozy chairs, easy chairs and with an immense view of the back waters and the sea!!!
now this was an experience i would never have had as a measly civilian!!! no, it was teh IG's rank that secured us such a wonderful experience!!!

later we boarded a coast guard boat that took us to bolghatty palace, once a palace belonging to our family, but now a 5 star hotel run by the govt.
we passed teh ships in the harbor and i recognised two of three german naval ships that had come for a friendly port visit!!! i am proud that i recognized them from their unique serial number and the deutscheland flag that they adorned. going past we also saw the huge air defence ship of german navy!!!
bolghatty palace is usually out of bounds for ordinary mortals. but since we were with such a high powered person it was all royal treatment for us!!!
we had complimentary tea and coffee at one of their closed restaurants that had become haven for a squadron of flies. now this showed me the uniqueness of govt hotels!!!
later we went through some of the luxury suites and conference room that were in the original palace complex. i was sad to think that had my ancestors been wise, i would have been sleeping n one of these rooms with some of the best views i had ever seen!!!

later we boarded our boat and were on our way to the harbor mouth.
we passed pretty close the german big ship, close enough that the sailors waved back at us!!! they were very friendly sorts. then i spotted something that brought my heart to the base of my mouth!!! a heckler and koch mp5 submachine gun!!!! the magnificent machine was handled by a sailor who looked downright serious!!! it had a folding stock!!! i saw the stock first and then the barrel and lock!!!!! i never thought i would ever see an mp5!!!!!! it is one of my most favorite guns!!!

later as we approached teh harbor mouth we saw a family of dolphins swimming around!!! we were all excited, but none more than my niece kunji who is a dedicated follower of maneka gandhi, the dog kisser.
they were gray colored dolphins but i also spotted one which was golden brown in color!!! we didnt venture much further as the rolling of the boat was very uncomfortable to hari chetan who has vertigo!!!

we moved back into the harbor and waited as the sun slowly sunk into its depths, perhaps to hail good morning to inhabitants of washington dc????

then we berthed at the coast guard station and were back home in the uneventful leg of the day!!