Sunday, November 2, 2008

A day of deaths

Today i encountered two deaths. One was the death of an old musician, one well past his seventies. He had a steadily deteriorating health and finally succombed to the frailties of age.
The other was the accidental death of a young man in a road accident. He left behind a young wife and a 9 year old daughter.
It was a poignant day.
The sorrow and loss is real. But now in aftermath, what i think is why is this affecting me so hard?
what i am thinking is which death would i have? One is a natural death after a life long and well lived. But in his failing years his family had to witness the wilting away of one loved. He had to suffer through the pains and indignities of old age. would i like to impose such a horror on my successors? i think not.
in the other alternative a life half lived was wasted away at the tires of the instrument of death we Malayalees call "Tipper Truck". This unnatural death made an stupendous loss to his family. The man's mother is in hospital unable to comprehend the death of her son, a promised and loving son.
On consideration i am more likely to face the second death seeing as I am a person who has to commute a lot tackling roads and traffics that are the greatest homiciders around.
But the question is would i like to impose such horrors on my family? i am a person who loves my family a lot. I am not naive enough to suggest that i may live a bachelor life, no my hormones and again considerations for my parents null that option. and again do i want to have the death that old maestro had? No.
so what is a person to do? if i am to have an accidental death that is surely beyond my control. If i let a fear of such a death influence my life I would be the greatest fool ever. But if by god's grace i survive to live long, would i want to impose such horrors on my family? i am really afraid that it too might be out of control. after all family too wants to impose their own restrictions once one gets past an age.
so now is the time to develop alternative strategies!!!
i have always dreamed of going on pilgrimage on my waning years. the idea arose from reading a story where the chief minister of a princely state in pre-independence era, after retiring from his job and fulfilling all his duties like seeing his children well settled left his home with his wife to lead a life as a rustic pilgrim. in ancient times it was called "Vanaprastha". it is a shame that today that is no longer considered possible.
My dream is to leave my home after an age of 60 or so and elope to Himalayas!!! wont it be great and peaceful to die amongst the stars and the snow? of course in one way it is ignominable. I will be hurting my family but still if i could make them understand my ideology wont that be the greatest way to leave this world?
Reaching Haridwar spending time in satsang with sages at the banks of Ganga and then ascending to the Himalayas in search of the final resting place!!! Elephants have their legendary elephant grave yards so why cant have one?
That is a question!!!
but of course all this is possible only if i live to the age of 60!!! going by the present rate i dont give much betting chance to that!!! Traffic and Solanaceae have a greater odds of getting to me!!!

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Logging out for next season.

i am leaving bangalore and my job for about 2 months as it is time for my semi-annual season. this is not duck hunting, witch hunting or even because of winter season, but even more ominous my exam season.
so yesterday after bidding adieu to my beloved site at nagawara i took early leave and came home. now i am at my bro's home in sarjapur. on the way over i started to reminiscense with my other bro with whom i stay. he just experienced an accident in which his car was spoilt due to his courteousness. he was taking a legal U turn at mekhri circle to go to his office when he slowed down to let an elderly couple pass. after they passed while he was taking the turn a dumb-ass omni driver who was bumper to bumper tookthe curve on the inside when there was barely a space for a cycle to go. my bro's car's entire right side was scratched and the right rear door has to be replaced. a shouting match ensued and the dumb shit driver and owner even resorted to physical actions on my bro. but since my bro is of similar physical disposition as myself the two fools were thrown off unceremoniously.
anyway my bro was mad about this incident and i too had numerous incidents with the patented driving skills of bangalore drivers and we started to express our opinions. and we reached an unanimous decision that we hate bangalore for its traffic and bangaloreans for their driving skills. i am not a person who can hate anything completely. bangalore is a city i had come to know, i do love it sometimes. even bangaloreans i like, after all i had experienced the rarest of the rare, two gentlemanly auto rickshaw drivers of bangalore!!!! but still it is a fact nevertheless.

i dont know if it is a phenomenon everywhere in india, but in kochi where i have many driving experience i have never met such blatantly ignorant and selfish drivers. in bangalore i have been angered by auto rickshaws and BTC buses which clog up the traffic by riding in the center lane at 15 KMPH. i have hated trucks which ride in outer ring road trying to overtake each other like one snail over taking another blocking the entire traffic.
i have felt like cursing at the drivers of TVS mopeds and dumbass cyclists who drive so stupidly through the middle of busy roads while blocking the entire roads, ignoring all traffic signals and rules and making life so hazardous for other travellers.

seriously i have never met such acutely traffic impaired drivers.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

long time no see

it has been a long time since i blogged here. one reason was that until 2 months ago my life was more stagnant than the mosquito drains of kochi and another reason was a well wished comment from a well wisher who dissuaded me from blogging.
perhaps i am really that exquisitely bad at this!!!

anyway now i am back with some more maturity(I hope!!) and a lot more experience to define my life with.

i am now in bangalore doing an interesting job in an interesting industry for about 2 months now. my being aware of an opening and my joining took just 3 days. i knew about the job on july 27 and by aug 1 i had joined.

my job is in construction sites where i have the opportunity to observe a variety of peoples. it is in sites like this that i see social ranking in action. in a site heirarchy is rigid. architects on top, consultants next, then engineers, then supervisors, then skilled workers and last unskilled labour.
i, being an engineer, and thus endowed the white hard hat am considered at the top of the food chain. it is pretty embarassing for a person like me. when ever i climb the stairs or come across laborers or security guards they all are immediately wary as if i am some sort of a Big Boss!!! i find it funny and very disconcerting. people who are as old as my father call me Sir and stand when i talk to them!!! and the most interesting thing is to see the seasoned pros in this industry who take all this as norm. i have interacted with consultants who consider anyone of lesser rank than a supervisor as scum!!!
some engineers and the consultants and architects who have long experiences and spend less time in field consider themselves so superior to the other people that it is galling.
to people like that i want to get 3 250 KG gas cylinders up 6 floors. i had to get such a work done. it was excruciatingly difficult. no service lift, no cranes, all materials lifted up six floors and i had to get such a cargo up. finally i had to beg and cajole a gang of 10 to get the job done and they did for 900 rs. after i gave them money they were so happy i was surprised!!! they all insisted on shaking my hand and i obliged. from then on whenever i encountered them on site they always greeted me with warm smiles.

seriously i want to ask those egoistic consultants how can they ever get a job done without such helpful people!! after all not always will money work!!!

Monday, September 22, 2008

Experiencing the garden city

DISCLAIMER: this post should have come sooner but for some nasty internet flop ups. i am too lazy to edit it, so read it as it is. :D

indeed it has been a long time since i blogged. partly it was due to a well meaning discouragement i received from a "well wisher". partly because my life was going nowhere and there is nothing imaginative in stagnance.
but for the past one and a half months my life was seen tumultous change. from an unemployed bum now i am a working professional. i am gaining strides in self confidence and earning valuable experience.
bangalore is truly a remarkable place. not that i love this city in its entirety but it has its charm and wonders. some experiences of mine have really stunned me even in hindsight!!
for the first three weeks of work here, i referred to b'lore only as this friggin city. that was because i was a patron of BTC, namely Bangalore Transport Corporation, the infamous public bus system of Bangalore. The fact of my site and my place of residence being on opposite corners of b'lore did not help either. i had to commute in a minimum of 4 and a maximum of 10 buses everyday. the event i am going to describe happened on august 14, more famously known as Pakistan's Independence Day.
on that day i had boarded the regular bus to marathahalli from bellandur. naturally it was a re-enactment of wagon tragedy, filled with tired laborers on their commute home. getting inside the bus itself was a luxury and most had to adjust by having to hang from the windows. it was in this strenuous ride that it started to rain. i expected that such a turn of events would make people more uncomfortable and hence more unfriendly. but i saw and experienced something magical happening. the people who till then brooding silently started to crack jokes and the entire bus got a jovial mood. it were the people who were the most uncomfortable who were the loudest at laughing at and cracking jokes, me included.
finally i reached marathahalli in one piece and started the trek upwards to the bus station. the slope of the underpass created a river of mud flowing down. i waded up , already being drenched despite my insufficient rain jacket. the van ride and the subsequent bus ride are inconsequential except for the long wait which i had taken to be a frustrating norm and being drenched to the skin in which there is nothing remarkable at all. by the time i reached the shivaji nagar bus terminal i was drenched, cold and shivering. the station was crowded with people and empty of buses. swearing at all the people who directly or indirectly led me to this point of time, i went looking to catch an auto to get home.
the autos in bangalore, and on second thoughts everywhere are amazing examples of murphy's law in practice. when u dont want one u are heckled by them trying to lure u into a drive. but when u actually need them they either conveniently run out of fuel or in supreme arrogance they refuse the ride.
that was teh situation i found myself in. time was 0930PM and i had to leave the next day at 0300AM to go home. i asked many auto wallahs to give a ride. they refused. then i sought to bribe them going as much as rs. 200 for a rs.50 ride even at night. they refused. then finally i had to beg a person who had refused me twice already. i weaved a plaintive story liberally infused with my very real cold induced shivering and stammering. i also raised the loot to rs.250. thankfully he accepted to take me home. i got in expecting him to leave but was stunned when he started hoarding other passengers to share the ride. apparrently he thought all people would be as desperate or as crazy as me as all the people who approached him turned down the rate he offered. finally after yet another 15 minutes we started.
if i thought i would have a steady ride now, i was yet again mistaken. this guy, being a consummate businessman stopped everywhere 5+ people congregated trying to lure an extra rider. at that point i offered him rs.275 and 50 paise the entire contents of my purse.
to make matters worse the lighter which i always carried with me was missing i teh confusion and i could not light up the very wet cigarettes i had in my pocket. i asked him for a match and he said he had none. resigned for a nicotine deprive cold ride, i was surprised when the driver pulled to the side and went off to buy 2 cigarettes and a match box for me!!
only a smoker can understand how much gratitude such an act generates!!! in that instant when i took the first puff i forgave him for all the waiting and all the ignominy he forced me to experience.
and that too without being bidden!!! i asked for a light and i get two kings and light!!
i reached home that night at 1030.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

gentlemen and pussies

no.
i am not referring to the great interest displayed by men regarding that particular portion of feminine anatomy.

rather i am talking about gentlemen being generally compared to pussies, or people with significant absence of backbone, or any masculine coarseness.

the more prevalent notion of gentleman is the image of the victorian age european man , a metrosexual individual who had an equal interest in fine apparels and materials as do women of all ages. they too liked to adorn themselves in the best garments like silk, fur etc, they had as much penchant for cosmetics as do women. in fact their code of conduct would be condemned effeminate by most of us retro sexual males.

or in other words we call them pussies.

but are gentlemen really pussies? a gentleman is one of refined character and dignified personality. he converses splendidly, is highly articulate, chivalrous and a best example of civility.
pussies are vain, spineless variations of male gender who disdain physical labors and seem to display a paranoid revulsion to sunlight and all activities connected with vitamin D.

the reason i bring out this dichotomy is because due to a large number of pussies hiding under the garb of gentlemanliness, all gentlemanly attributes are considered to be pussy!!!

i seek to prove the contrary.

a gentleman is defined as " a gentleman is a person who knows precisely when to stop being a gentleman". this means a gentleman knows the precise limits to his courtesy and civil manners. a gentleman knows the correct time to shed his arts of diplomacy and launch a perfect punch better than the best of the bar room brawlers!!!

whereas a pussy will cry out when unduly intimidated, a gentleman stands his ground and when reaching the end of diplomacy and civility sheds his raiments of civilization and can fight in teh mud with the worst elements of society, and once hostilities terminated his gentlemanly conduct reveals faster than his skin colour under all the mud of the fight.

now you might be wondering why is this blithering fool bla blahing all about this gentleman stuff!!!

the reason is i see myself as a gentleman!!!

okay, now stop laughing (and rechecking what i just typed above), i am serious.
though i do disdain the vain raiments and garments attributed to gentlemen i seek to espouse the code of values that has defined gentlemen for ages. the codes espoused by the knights templar of renown, of the great samurai, of the great rajputs, the world conquering victorian britons, i seek to espouse that code of conduct.

in todays world these qualities are highly disadvantageous. when the wily and crooked rules the day, gentlemen are cornered. when the socialism and communism is at power and the coarseness and roughness of serfdom is glorified, the refinement of the erstwhile nobles are denounced. but it is precisely that nobleness in personality that i seek to espouse in my character. i do not though seek to emulate the racist characters of these upper!!!

my idol of gentleman is a fictional character of immense depth and magnificence. he is Dr. Hannibal Lecter MD. though i do not empathize with his cannibalistic tendencies the refinement of character, his gentile tastes in art and fine material, his immense intellect and mental powers, his astounding social grace and charm, yes the single greatest gentlemanly character, charm, these i admire a lot!!!

when i see the movies of hannibal fame, and when i read the trilogy, it is not the cannibal genius who strikes me, but the articulate gentleman that he is. even incarcerated in the baltimore mental hospital, he lives in his own mnemonic world of extra ordinary charm, grace and beauty. cohabiting the worst psychopaths imaginable he is an epitome of courtesy and charm to clarice and the inimitable barney!!!

now that is what i see myself to be!!! that is what i seek to be!!! a revelation??? a peek into future??? who knows?????

ha ha ha ha ha

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

dolphins, ships and palaces

now, you must be wondering which brand of dope have i smoked today for creating such a senseless heading for a post that will surely prove to be senseless!!!

no, i am afraid i have to mash up ur brains again!!!

2 days back i had an extraordinary trip!!!
my father's niece suni and her husband hari and daughter kunji had come to kochi for a few days' hols. now hari chetan is an inspector general, one of the senior most police officers in kerala!!!! a very gem of a character with exemplary humility and tact!!!
the day they came i mentioned the operation of a ship plied by KTDC, kerala tourism development corporation, which goes into outer sea and after showing sunset to the passengers comes back to kochi!!!
after i had relayed the news to my parents and aunts, they had been very excited, so was suni chechi!!
the next day she called me up and said , get ready by 3pm. we are going for that sunset cruise!!!

i was thrilled.

we went in the official police ambassador car. i thought we must be going to the wharf near ernakulam high court but we drove on to fort kochi, the picturesque quarter of kochi city!!!
i was flabbergasted when the vehicle drove on to the coast guard station there!!!
there we were escorted to the commandant's guest room, a palatial luxury room with lots of cozy chairs, easy chairs and with an immense view of the back waters and the sea!!!
now this was an experience i would never have had as a measly civilian!!! no, it was teh IG's rank that secured us such a wonderful experience!!!

later we boarded a coast guard boat that took us to bolghatty palace, once a palace belonging to our family, but now a 5 star hotel run by the govt.
we passed teh ships in the harbor and i recognised two of three german naval ships that had come for a friendly port visit!!! i am proud that i recognized them from their unique serial number and the deutscheland flag that they adorned. going past we also saw the huge air defence ship of german navy!!!
bolghatty palace is usually out of bounds for ordinary mortals. but since we were with such a high powered person it was all royal treatment for us!!!
we had complimentary tea and coffee at one of their closed restaurants that had become haven for a squadron of flies. now this showed me the uniqueness of govt hotels!!!
later we went through some of the luxury suites and conference room that were in the original palace complex. i was sad to think that had my ancestors been wise, i would have been sleeping n one of these rooms with some of the best views i had ever seen!!!

later we boarded our boat and were on our way to the harbor mouth.
we passed pretty close the german big ship, close enough that the sailors waved back at us!!! they were very friendly sorts. then i spotted something that brought my heart to the base of my mouth!!! a heckler and koch mp5 submachine gun!!!! the magnificent machine was handled by a sailor who looked downright serious!!! it had a folding stock!!! i saw the stock first and then the barrel and lock!!!!! i never thought i would ever see an mp5!!!!!! it is one of my most favorite guns!!!

later as we approached teh harbor mouth we saw a family of dolphins swimming around!!! we were all excited, but none more than my niece kunji who is a dedicated follower of maneka gandhi, the dog kisser.
they were gray colored dolphins but i also spotted one which was golden brown in color!!! we didnt venture much further as the rolling of the boat was very uncomfortable to hari chetan who has vertigo!!!

we moved back into the harbor and waited as the sun slowly sunk into its depths, perhaps to hail good morning to inhabitants of washington dc????

then we berthed at the coast guard station and were back home in the uneventful leg of the day!!

Saturday, March 22, 2008

bibliophile's woe

books are great friends for morts like me,
they are the greatest listeners,
they offer good advice,
and they dont leave.

you hear me out when i am sad,
you wont tell me your own suffers,
you dont tease me when i am serious,
you dont ever hurt me.

you never sleep when i need you,
you are never too busy for me,
you dont ever get tired of me,
you are always there for me.

you respect me when i need some,
you dont taunt in strange company,
you belong only to me,
you are my best friend.

another "poem"

this is another poem i wrote on a day my mother struck me for my poor marks.


words cannot spell the emotion in my heart,
rembrandt cannot give color to its flame,
etna is just a pop-lolly in par,
cos such is the anger beareth that i.

why is that i freaked upon this world,
why am i becoming the odd man at the end?
why is it that i am such perditioned,
why did you mother, bring me forth?

bless as you do with your love,
torture me you so with thy eyes,
thine words are like lava in heart,
a slap is thus therefore an intolerability.

you have not the hurt the physical of me,
i am built as the hardiest ox,
but unfathomed is the dent in my soul,
the instance you endeavored to strike me.

forgive me mater, i teared you,
curse me mother, i pained you,
smile mother , cos you win yet again,
thine goal is reached, thy son shall study,
but he hath morphed by you.

nein nom sonnet

this is a "poem" i created during my early years at college. it is a literary rubbish but still i feel like sharing here.

Nein Nom Sonnet

what a person can do,
without the power of tongue,
in a world where sword is useless, pen a burden,
words are the sharpest weapons of man.

my sword is no less sharp,
my pen no less full,
but my tongue is empty for words.

assaulted by jabbing taunts,
i feel unnaturally vulnerable,
among gents of sharp wits and sharper remarks,
i am helplessly unarmed.

curse this wretchedness, curse this upkeep,
curse this absence of a sharp tongue,
i abhor my background,
which humbles me amongst my peers.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

bleaky blankness

days are going on sluggishly. hours are flying by with the speed of a sloth river.
today evening i at least embarked on a change of scenery.
i restuck my ambition chart in front of my computer desk.
this was a crazy chart which we had to make during our week long personality improvement camp conducted by the venerable thomman sir. the loony bugger told us to make the chart at the end of a full day of classes at 2 am!!! and we had to bloody well submit the well prepared chart by 6 am that morning itself!!!!

we hardly had 4 hours of break in between and we had to procure chart papers, collage materials and friggin ideas to create!!!

i never thought any of us could do it!!!! it was a bloody impossible task that was set to us!!!
but somehow we all did it!!!! my having a veritable library of india todays, frontlines, weeks, outlines and reader's digests around my messy room helped. also the lack of any glue was solved by the wide brown packing tape that i had!!!!
my collage was of a flow chart type .
it started off with abgraduation pic showing "from a successful graduation an odyssey begins". of course the words are mine but the pictures were somehow impressive!!! [ of course would i ever say otherwise?]
next arrow pointed to a man climbing a vertical rock face with my caption "no barrier too high for me".
next arrow pointed to a picture of asoka sthambha , india's seal where the caption was "in the nation's service, IPS". after all it is my stated career aim to be a civil servant.
the next arrow points to a picture of a lonely road from the perspective of a solitary driver, captioned "driving down lonely roads".
next picture is of a flame breather spitting out a cloud of flame in front of an enchanted audience!!! captioned "blazing thru obstacles".
next a picture of an arms seizure and a guy being walked around in guantanamo. being captioned "the great crackdown" and "satisfaction guarranteed" it displays my infinite hatred of terrorists plaguing india.

next is a trivial picture of a chap holding a illusory music system and with caption "njoyin da life!!!" at it.

finally there is the picture of my love and my craze,









a royal enfield bullet!!!

after all the prize has the least importance in the sequence of karma!!!!
i am a strong believer in the gita saying, karmanyeva adhikarasthe, maa faleshu kadaachana!!!!

i have had this chart with me for almost 2 years!!!! i first made it in my sixth semester. it survived my room shifting in final year and now fully 2 years later it is at my desk!!!!
how drastic life has changed in those 2 years!!!! i was a 5 back paper guy while studying in sixth semester. from then i consistently gained 8,7 and 6 back papers in my 6,7 and 8th semesters respectively!!!!

funny aint it?

my career seemed to go in such wild directions as merchant navy, networking job in IT industry and even call center industry!!!!

but my aspirations in the chart have never changed!!! IPS and the bullet bike!!!!
damn!!! i am getting serious, am i not?
bloody hell!!!!

i just hope the "graduation" thing could happen soon!!!!

Sunday, March 16, 2008

buggered by the blogger's block

it is been a long time since i posted anything here. i was suffering a prolonged moroseness and lack of ideas. my cranial cells had atrophied and my mind was in perpetual animation!!!

well , today i have decided to type and post at least some banalities.
i dont know whether i should post the reason for my moroseness as it is intensely personal and will be distasteful for myself to know that my inner emotions will be accessible to another person. but still i have to state some reason for my prolonged absence even if there is no one to whom i should report to.

the weather around here has been remarkable for past couple of days. lots of rain , rain falling down in tankers!!! 3 days back when i went to temple it was surreal!!! i had just spent almost 1.5 hours talking to my dearest of friends , helping that person alleviate their loneliness through long distance conversation. basking in that warmth i went to the temple and i found that the eastern sky was pine apple yellow in colour!!!! being a consummate connoisseur of the extracts of that delectable fruit i was thrilled!!! it was a childish pleasure for me to see my favorite juice splashed all over the setting sky!!! while i was making the pradakshinas inside the temple, i had a chance glimpse of the western sky, and lo behold!!! what do i see? a friggin rainbow!!!!

it had been a very long time since i had seen a rainbow!!! it was so beautiful!!! all the loveliest things and all the associated sadnesses assaulted me at that moment!!! finally savoring the cool breeze that evaporated all sweat off me , i walked back home!!!

i am sure you may have wondered how can this numskull have the memories of all the loveliest things and all the depressing sadnesses come to him at the same time!!!
well, when one particular feeling is cherished but not reciprocated then all the loveliness that remind us of that feeling turn out to draw us deeper into depression. when the very beauty of world that give the simple joys also remind us that our most cherished feelings are spurned mercilessly.
completely off the rockers, eh?
yeah, i myself have the feeling that i should have booked an appointment with nimhans while i was in bangalore. wasted opportunity!!! now those blokes will have to send an ambulance all over from there.

Friday, March 7, 2008

anti-styleism

no , i have not mispronounced. no it may not figure in oxford dictionary- but does that mean the word is meaningless? even the word dingolfication is not there in oxford dictionary but it still doesn not remove the meaning of the word!!!

anti-styleism is the mantra or code of life for people like me who dislike to conform with any standards of style!!! i am the most uncomfortable around places and people who like to dress chic , stylish and fashionable. especially if i myself am dressed decently- shirt, jeans and shoes.

in those occasions nothing uplifts my spirit more than to see some one, preferably dressed in the most bohemian fashion possible.
2 days back i had been to the forum mall in bangalore with my sis in law and her cousin sister. now anyone who has ever been to bangalore knows that the forum is a heaven for stylish chic young people to ogle and be ogled. all sorts of style statements from the richest , stylest young people can be observed here. and one thing mostly common to these people are a disdain for anyone dressed simply or traditionally- a veritable symptom of "snobbism". these snobs think that one has to be dressed in chains, stylish watches, chained pants and such paraphernalia to be "cool" and anyone who dresses simply is an "uncouth country rustic".

one of my most favorite experiences had been once going to the kochi airport to pick somebody up with my cousin bro vijay. he too is an "anti-stylist" though maybe not as fanatical as me!!! we dressed in home t shirts and lungis!!! we drove up in the car and we were waiting for the cousin to be picked up. the large numbers of "desi foreigners" who were mostly dressed up to greet their relatives coming up from abroad. now these "stylish , smart" people were offended seeing such country people soiling the image of their style heaven!!! it was immense fun to see the snobby disdain !!! it felt like giving them one up!!!
bu hu ha ha haaa

it was the same feeling i felt when i went to the forum. how i would have enjoyed if i went there in a lungi!!!!! oooh, so fantastic!!!
when i got my job at spectrum i learned that there was no dress code. i also found that a lot of people were indeed very stylishly dressed. s while delivering my confirmation letter back signed i dressed up in my particular style. ordinary shirt, mundu (dhoti), sandals and a long umbrella!!! it was a great fun seeing the snobby looks from the "style gurus"!!!

i do hope that more people will start following this creed. perhaps i can even become a spiritual or philosophical guru!!! who knows i could have my own ashramas and franchisees in usa , europe and japan!!! who knows i could be a gazillionaire myself!!! ooh!!! how i get some inspirations!!!

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

wish and hope

is a wish and a hope the same thing? i am not interested in the dictionary meanings and differenced of the two words- any policeman can do that.

but i had been thinking is there any fundamental differences between wishing and hoping for something?

do we wish for things that seem unreasonable and do we limit our hopes to things that sound reasonable? though the exact context which made me ponder these stuff is personal i can say that i found the futility of wishing when our wish is the most unreasonable.
people might wish they can fly like birds but they hope to fly in a plane!! i think that is the basic difference between the two stuffs. perhaps hope is a wish with a sprinkling of prudence and reason mixed with it.
i find myself wishing for some things that are not at all in my grasp of things. some matters can never be accomplished without mutual consent. we can only wish for reciprocation we can never hope for it. hoping for such things inevitably brings it to the realm of wishful thinking and we move to the realm of depression when the realities strike us full in face like a smash from muhammed ali. and it will be all the more painful because of the abruptness of the shattered illusion.
but when we know that what we desire is a wish rather than a hope we do not attach our lives to it in such a way that we are controlled by that desire. when i hope to be a civil servant, i desire that with a lot of realism and rationality and not wishful thinking. that object of hope is rationally attainable and though worth attaching our life to.
but when i wish to become the president of usa, let alone india that is a wishful, imaginative thinking.
i became really depressed when in the context the desire revealed itself to me as a mere wish rather than a hope. earlier when the same desire was a wish i deluded myself into believing that that wish was more than illusory and started hoping for it. i started living in a dreamland where all events and actions i translated into a role supporting of my false hope. and when the falseness of the wish was revealed i am crushed.
on contrary with my earlier posts i am not writing this in a happy frame of mind. in truth, i am really depressed and sad though my outward expression will not reveal it to people who observe me in real world. perhaps i am becoming successful at compartmentalizing my woes in order to not worry my fellow people. me being generally considered a jolly immature sort of chap that is the best face to reveal. after all why worry another being with the worries of myself???
right now consider even this post to be a drastic mistake . the reader who has often seen only the deranged portions of my cranium is exposed to the darker strains of my mind.
anyway no more of this stuff. by the time i swamp this blog with more lunatic aspects of my brain no one will notice this.
c ya latr

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

wispiness of dreams!!

chavent we often woke up bright eyed in mornings with the memory of a wonderful dream fresh but somehow the details of the dreams eluding us? so frustrating , no?
i have had a few dreams that i have never been able to forget, a couple of vivid dreams extravagant in details and numerous in characters!!! but most of them were from my early childhood with one of my most memorable being a dream i had at my maternal ancestral house at nilambur. it was some sort of family get together and we, the platoon of kids used to lie down in a row of beds in the main hall and that same place was the setting for my dream!!!
near the window of the hall there is a a huge helicopter!! and it does not have regular doors- instead there are circular holes for people to slide in!! i , of course , am the pilot and my various cousins are the crew. it was a mechanical contraption with no regular engine to power the propeller blades!!! somehow my cousins succeed in cranking up the rotor and i lift the helicopter off the floor. it doesnt rise very high , though. perhaps about 3 feet!!! maybe it was at that time that i woke up!!!

this was the one dream that i have remembered for ever!!! i might have seen at the age of 6 or 7 max, but still the concepts are quite vivid in my mind!!! i dont know how or why this one dream is so memorable, cos by no means is it the one i enjoyed most or the most thrilling i had!!!

another dream i remember a lot consists of a thriller dream where i lead a commando assault on my nilambur home!!! there are tunneling involved and many other stunts, and though i dont remember their nature, the existence of stunts is very memorable!!!!

then there is my most frightening nightmare. this i had when i was in new delhi!! perhaps at age 4 or 5!! but still the blood chilling nature of the dream is vivid in my mind. it had me spinning in some sort of a spiral which is kinds endless, one spiral leading to another spiral with a sickly sort of soft music playing in the back ground!!! it was like being in a timeless black hole!!! never ending fright!!! no ghouls, no draculas or any of the traditional fright masters- just an endless falling in circles!!!! i have had this dream about 4 or 5 times and gradually i learned to wake up just when i start having the dream!!! it is so scary that even now i get scared of the concept.

if any shrink is reading this goop , take note, this point may help you in confirming my appointment in a lunatic asylum!!!

but what really saddens me is that i have forgotten so many great dreams all so consciously!!! there are of course dreams that are completely in the unconscious realm of mind. but there are some in the sub conscious realm of regular sleep that are quite fleetingly conscious to us when we are awake!!! and they are the most imaginative, thrilling and exciting dreams i ever had!!!! the sort of craziness i have experienced in those dreams will make even the demented reader blush!!! but the frustrating part is the acute lack of detail!!! the inability to revisualise that stunning hottie, that amazing location, that super cool stunt i did, the amazing adventures, basically the sort of things the memory and visualization of which makes the day for a committed sloth and day dreamer like me!!! but the more i try to "remember" the details more i tend to forget, but the feel of the dream does linger for a very long time. the basic emotion of the dream be it, happiness, adventure, romance or anything does persist well into the morning the time around noon when i find myself fully awake!!! and they are even greater when i wake up comparatively early, ie, around 8am!!!
the fleeting memory of those early morning wispy dreams give me the energy and guidance for the day's activities and moods.
profound???? i am i truly going nuts??? who cares???!!!

Monday, March 3, 2008

from queen of arabian sea to garden city

i had a very exciting journey which started on saturday 1st mar which culminated yesterday at 6 pm.
though it was the para festival at our temple this was a journey i had much looked out for. i was travelling with my cousin brother vinay and sister-in-law harsha, aka edathiyamma. the day started wonderfully . bright sunny morning, and a rare thing happened too!!! i woke up before 8am IST!!!
and to make matters even more joyous, i woke up and bathed just in time to watch the lord crossing the river in the boat, one of the most beautiful sights around. but unfortunately as i was watching the crossing i had an unexpected spraining of neck that was horribly painful. i also had a series of errands to run before the departure.and like a mole atop a hump my toe was cut by my scooter's stand.
finally after a patching up i left on the journey with my bro in his wagon r car at around 11 am. we left via trichur to coimbatore via nh 47. the roads were far better than i anticipated although the existence of gutters in large numbers did save the trip from being "too" comfortable. and the fact that vinay considered himself to be an amateur rally driver did make the trip extremely hair raising!!!
we had lunch at the indian coffee house at mannuthi agricultural college. contrary to the standards of indian coffee houses in india the food at this joint was deplorable at best. maybe that is why indian coffee house is a dying brand name nowadays.
we crossed into the state of tamil nadu via the walayar check post and the amazing line of trucks waiting to cross over into kerala amazed me!!!! the line was almost 4 kms long. it drove the point home that every thing we keralites consume has to be trucked in from other states!!! a total consumer and the ultimate market economy. it also gave me a career aim to be a police or customs officer here!! service here for a month could set me up for a lifetime of luxury!!!!

the crossing over into tamil nadu territory was a breath taking experience. it seemed like all greenery too ceased existence beyond the border. while it was all lush green with lots of grass and trees at the kerala side, yonder it was all barren brown terrain.
the roads too took a turn for the worse and potholes becoming a norm and firm tarmac a rarity. finally around dusk we reached the home of vinay's in- laws. it was a breezy , cute apartment that was quite charming.
next day we were on our final leg to bangalore, the IT centre and garden city, which in a few years will be recognizable by the name "bengaluru". god help that city then!!!
the trip which was supposed to start at 8 finally took off at 11. we travelled in the sathymangalam, kollegal route.
what started out to be a pleasant drive through lush forests and winding hair pin turns at the sathyamangalam pass, a tricky route with 29 hair pin curves, finally took an boring and exasperating turn. from the forests once dominated by the notorious and legendary forest brigand veerappan we got trapped in the horrendous road system of karnataka. what normally takes 2 hours of driving in decently paved roads took us an exasperating 5 hours through the worst roads we had ever seen!!! these roads which apparently has not seen asphalt ever since british left the country 60 years ago are only motored by bullock carts and all terrain tractors. due to the prevalent practices of drying food grains on the road surface, the absence of tarmac has even caused some sections of the road to have flourishing flora growing on them!!! it was a sea change from the comparatively magnificent roads of kerala and the decently paved roads of tamil nadu. i almost felt nostalgic about kerala roads which normally i will start cursing every 93 minutes!!!!

finally i reached bangalore at about 6 pm, a complete wreck!!!! my neck and left shoulders were screaming!!!! even liberal doses of pain easing sprays did no good to the torment. finally after and excruciatingly cold bath and a sumptuous dinner, i embraced lady sleep.

thus i reached the garden city!!!!!!

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

war and aggressiveness

i have often heard people dreaming and clamoring for a world where there is no more wars!!! how ideal thoughts!!! what valiant dreams!!!! but i am saddened to realize that these pacifists are unrealistic fools!!!!

when you dream dream of something that is possible. you can dream of flying, and you can fly too, but you must be travelling on an aircraft to do that. if you want to fly without an aircraft you can always jump off a cliff or a particularly tall building, actually i would quite advice that to these unrealistic dreamers!!!!

these people who call for an end to wars do not understand why wars occur in the first place. true, politics and greed is the most visible culprit. but there is something deeper, an inherent characteristic in human beings that leads us inevitably to war.

aggressiveness.

this simple characteristic has been the driving force behind human species prevalent dominance in the planet. had this latent aggression not been there, we would never have dared to challenge nature, challenge our intellects, challenge our various obstacles.

it is the same aggression that drives an athlete towards that final lap , which also drives monarchs and generals to keep fighting wars.

the first use of aggression and war was in early days of human civilization when man began settling down and cultivate food. he had to wage a continuous war against nature and its predators. the first weapons were developed against these natural predators. had man not been aggressive he would have submitted meekly to being ravaged by the forces of nature and civilization would not have progressed.
now it was the same aggression that drove entrepreneur farmers to increase their arable land and this quest in increasing land gave rise to border system. where there was borders there naturally the aggression in man caused one to try and over come the border of the other. and the first war between men was fought.

in its essence modern war does not differ in anyway from the early conflicts and fist fights between neighboring farmers. question of greed that is driven by aggression.

now should we vilify this aggression?
think about it again!!!
if this aggression was not there, would man have tamed the continents, the deepest oceans, the tallest mountains and the farthest reaches of space?
aggression gives the passion that most often overtakes reason.
reason will not allow the wright brothers to attempt flight. it would be too risky and stupid of them if they thought rationally!!!
reason would not have allowed edmund hillary to conquer mt. everest. it was sheer passion driven by aggression which overcame all rationale and reason that said it was suicidal to attempt to scale that edifice!!!

it was same passion driven by aggression that led to napoleon and hitler to launch their wars against all reason. the same aggression also led nelson and stalin to defend those wars!!!

now what is the basic difference between hitler and hillary? both were driven by aggressive passion.
the difference is their intent.

what hillary aimed was noble and what hitler intended was evil.
would world have been a better place if both hitler and hillary were neutered of their aggression like some people do to dogs?
perhaps it would have worked in the case of hitler, but we would have lost an adventurous pioneer if hillary's aggression was neutered.

now is there anyway to decide whose aims are good and whose is bad? and can such determination be done efficiently and always? in a free society it is very difficult to find out a person's character. perhaps in a futuristic society where people can be better profiled it will be an option but then society will no longer be free and no more pure innovation will occur.

that is why i categorically believe that no matter how stable world is, wars are inevitable. human nature demands it.

Saturday, February 23, 2008

what is in a name?

i guess many of you wonder "why the hell did this guy use such a strange name?"

perhaps you may also consider it to be yet another manifestation of my deranged self and the word being yet another gobbledygook i produced, perhaps when i was being administered shock therapy!!!

possible, but not quite.

horemheb http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horemheb was the last king of the ancient egypt's 18th dynasty. people who are slightly interested in metaphysics and esoteric mystery stories may know his more famous predecessor, tutankhamen aka tutankhaton aka King Tut in popular lore.
horemheb was the military general and mentor of the boy king tut and the appointed successor to the throne of egypt.
he was an exemplary diplomat and army general. some say king tut was assassinated by horemheb but that is unlikely as the immediate successor was another general named ay who tried hard to get rid of horemheb. but after 4 years horemheb, in a move i adore, struck and killed off ay and his designated successor and became the pharaoh of all egypt!!!

he became a legendary ruler restrengthening a much weakened egypt that had seen unhealthy over centralization, corrupt religious revolution and a much more corrupted religious priestdom under King Tut's uncle akhenaton whose consort was the legendary beauty nefertiti!!!!!

under horemheb egypt became stronger and richer.

so this is why i chose the name horemheb as my alter ego!!!!

after all who better than a man vilified by all historians for crimes he never committed but was a better king and ruler than his more legendary counter parts!!!!

the name first struck my mind about 11 years earlier when i read a book on egyptian history at my uncle's house in trivandrum. the uncle being a renowned scientist was a more benign and charming character then and the collection of books he had was absolutely impressive!!!!

and of course the very strangeness and nature of the name captivated me!!!!

so this is the genesis of the name "HOREMHEB".

Friday, February 22, 2008

a surreal experience!!!!

yesterday i had been to a place that was quite surreal and charming!!! i fell in love with that place after a single visit.

the place is the koodalmanikyam temple in irinjalakuda , a town about 20 km away from trichur, the cultural capital of kerala.

the journey was with the parents of a very dear friend of mine in their maruti 800, a car totally unsuitable for a person of my girth. my mother too was there.
the journey started in an uncomfortable fashion with me having to fit myself into the cramped seat of the smallest indian car this side of tata nano!!!. after searching for the adjusting lever in that awkward position i finally got myself into a posture somewhat resembling comfort and we were on the way.
the journey was unremarkable but the destination was anything but!!!! the town of IJk (short form and transport bus code for irinjalakuda) is quite active but the temple part of the town is a very sleepy , quiet area. with lots of old palaces of the erstwhile royal families the temple of koodalmanikyam (KDM in short, as i am too lazy to type it every time) is the center of life around the place.
the house where we were staying was a cute, little house which almost shared the walls with the temple. with lush greenery all around, a nice mango tree with bunches of ripe juicy mangoes greeted us at the gate. while unloading i was thankfully not much in pain due to cramps. but the uncle soon got into trouble when he locked the car with the keys inside!!!
the situation was indeed funny, but he being an amateur jack of all trades soon produced a wire to open the door. it was an eduactional experience for me learning how to open a car door without a key!!! if in the future i am rendered unemployable, i can still look forward to one viable means of employment, albeit risky with a huge potential to enjoy government funded hospitality!!!
the aunt showed me around the house and the next thing that made me very excited was the pond in their house!!!!
it was a small pond, but still filled with crystal clear water!!! it was inviting me to take a leap. but i had to maintain my outward prudence.
after a nice bath i went to the temple.
the temple blew my mind off!!!!
it was so huge!!!! so beautiful!!!! so calm and so quiet!!!! and there was a huge temple pond to its northern side. the temple which is a square complex of 190 metres side (courtesy google earth) is devoted to bharata , the melancholy brother of lord rama. due to the melancholy nature of its deity many normal traditions of kerala temples are not followed here, like flower offerings (pushpanjali), lamp ceremony(deepaaraadhana). the temple is obviously quite ancient as we can find out from some of the wall murals inside the temple. one particular mural quite captivated me, though i dont know the theme, the colour combination and drawing style was peculiar!!! it was made in the ancient style using natural colours like crushed leaves for green etc!!!! and it was quite vivid in the details too!!!
getting out of the inner shrine, there is a huge lamp post around which is entwined the chains used for one of the legendary temple elephants of the old times. the chain of kavalapaara komban , a regal pachyderm that lived more than 100 years ago would have crushed any of the measly temple elephants of today. the huge chain is made of links whose steel is thicker than my thumb!!!!!!
then taking the pradakshina, or temple round i walked around the koothambalam- a place where traditional art forms are usually performed. koothambalams are the ultimate examples of the genius of traditional kerala architecture. its immense beauty is surpassed by its astonishing architectural and geometric features!!!! well being no expert at architectural sciences i can but admire the sheer beauty of the structure.
later i had a walk in the cool dusk. surrounded by lush greenery it was the sort of paradise that a city dweller like me loved!!! i spent nearly one hour sitting on a mile stone by the empty road and wide paddy field enjoying the absolute tranquility of the place. i also talked with some friends whom i hadn't been able to contact for a very long time. the absolute beauty of the place and the time awakened all the joy in my heart.
i returned only by the time it became dark and even though it was a rural area thr were enough street lights to make the walk trouble free.
later after dinner i again went out for a walk. there was a performance of kathakali one of the most venerated of traditional kerala art forms outside the temple. listening to the great music , rhythmic drums and thump of orchestrated feet i walked around the temple for a long time, reminiscing about life and various other things. it was quite surreal. with a shining moon overhead, clear skies, a cool breeze and being absolutely alone in the enormous temple it was a surreal experience!!! it was as if destiny brought me to this place to give me such pleasure!!! i was on top of the world!!!!
it was beautiful.
still later , when i retired to the house i went to the terrace of the house and was greeted by yet another astonishing sight!!! the immense spread of the temple and the equally huge temple pond , all adorned with glittering moonlight. for a better part of an hour i sat there admiring the spectacular beauty of the place while chatting with a very close sister of mine. the refreshing conversation mixed with the beauty of the place was a heady feeling indeed.

any more words spent in describing the subsequent sleep and return journey home will be a injustice to a tribute to such an amazing experience!!!

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

designing a tower home!!!!


as i warned you earlier i am putting my design for a tower home here. this was a brain wave i received while reviving from a ticket examination in a train journey!!!

so here i go
the first pic shows the floor description and tower basic design
levels start from bottom up
basement- it will have the electrical equipments, like batteries, solar power converters and ac/dc conversion devices., along with a fully equipped workshop for various works. the crane trolley will be stored in the basement until required for the crane operation.
level-1--entrance, guest room, work area, drawing room
level2- dining room
level3- kitchen
level4- bedroom (2 nos)
level5- rest room
level6- master bed room
level7-library and computer room
level8- accessories, lift motor and crane equipment, antennas.
now i am giving a description of all the floors from basement upwards.

basement

the circle shows the foundation outline of the tower structure. tower shall be constructed of six concrete pillars which are interconnected in a hexagonal and kinda benzene type structure. the pillars are covered with masonry in the super structure but in the basement they will be revealed as pillars. the inverted "u" shape at the bottom of the circle is the cage lift whose motor is at the level8 . at the right side there is the stair well to the level-1 ground floor.

level-1 = ground floor
the bottom room is the drawing room to ward off unwanted or frail type of visitors who might get scared of the tower.then the lift doors face us and to the left of it the stair start as well. stairs is a spiral super structure hugging and it takes 2 floors to complete one revolution. to the left of the tower we have the guest bed room and one attached bathroom. to the right of the tower we have the work area with access to the basement workshop. along the very center line of the tower u can see a smaaaaaall circle . that denotes a stainless steel or special plastic pole with a high elastic bean bag at the bottom that will be at least 4 feet deep with slanting edges. the pole is as an added safety measure. in emergencies any body in any floor can escape easily by only clinging on to the pole thru which they can slide down and touch teh bean bag safely and teh added momentum carries them out of the house very fast. idea is from batman movies and fire fighter stations. cool, eh?

level-2= dining room
the dining room does not have any specially remarkable features, it will be like most other dining rooms. i did not decide upon the type of table but i think it will be some sort of curved table.

level-3= kitchen
kitchen also there would be nothing very remarkable. just an ordinary kitchen.

level-4=bedroom (2 nos)
now here in this floor there will be two bed rooms. as we can see the lift open up at the bottom end and the stairs come via the upper right area there will be a corridor joining them and withing the corridor will be a big bathroom . it will be a common bath room for the two bed rooms. bed rooms will have caged windows to prevent any fatalities.

level-5=rest room
rest room is where general entertainment and relaxation is meant to take place. there will be a home theater and a computer for kids. there will also be a dvd library and surround sound system.
level-6=master bed room
master bed room shall be a huge bed room with a magnificent view.

level-7= library
now this is my favorite floor!!!! there would be wall to wall books in continuous shelves. there will be some big plump black leather couches. there will also be a concealed tv. in the bottom right corner there will be my computer room with all my accessories. the library will also have a mini bar for "cool drinks".
level-8= top floor
the top floor is where the motor for driving the lift and the main water tank is located. there will be a telescope with mounted on automated railings. this floor will also house the components of the retractable crane for exterior works. the walls in this floor will be made entirely of transparent plexiglass except for where telescope needs it view points.

so this is the idea for a tower house that hit me.
wht do u think?

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

illusion of perfection

we all say " i am going to have a perfect job", a "perfect family life", "perfect holiday" so on.
but what is perfection?
perfection is when something that we have planned go along completely according to the plan or when we achieve a state where all our desires are satisfied 100%.

in short perfection means 100%.

but is there such a thing as 100%?
will there be any fun if things we do turn out to be perfect? when we plan to do some thing and the result is achieved perfectly, we learn absolutely nothing from it. we become mere assemblers of a design rather than synthesizing something interesting.
whenever we do something unexpected obstacles come up, causing our cranium to get hyper active. and it is in those charged moments that mankind's greatest ideas bear fruit, right? so will there be any fun in anything we do if there is no randomness or aberrations?
consider travelling. u board a bus to go from kochi to bangalore. in a perfect travel, u board the bus, watch some lousy movie, fit yourselves into some cramped seats and sleep till u reach bangalore. absolute drivel if you ask me. now consider suddenly in the midst of nowhere there is some tire puncture or some other obstacle. wont life be suddenly interesting. sure it will be scary to some and irksome to many but i believe those are the real moments of life when u learn a lot. it is when unforeseen incidents happen that we are at our most active. talents, strengths and emotions u never knew u had exhibits itself during these moments.
let me show another example, when our teacher tells us we have an exam tomorrow, 55% of us dont study as that is yet another part of the murderous academic schedule. but what if when we attend yet another comatose lecture the lecturer suddenly announce a surprise test unbelievable energies animate our erstwhile lifeless bodies into sudden actions of procuring paper and for some like me, pen or pencil. and we even do better than when the test is pre announced.

i am proud to say that on occasions like these the back seat brigands like me who regularly flunk regular tests do far better than the established brainy front seat bastards. apparently surprises like these are unwarranted aberrations for those perfectionists and we the aberrants thrive on aberrations!!!

and i do wish to make a point that it is aberrants like me, who really make up the world. consider isaac newton who postulated the field of mechanics and the story of how his cerebral neurons were triggered by the impact of a falling apple. the Aberrants Society believe that it was not an apple but a projectile black board duster that hit the hibernating genius and gave him the necessary stimulus.
and what about alfred einstein, he was never a person who walked the beaten path. he was a characteristic aberrant.
michelangelo another aberrant created some of the most magnificent works of art we have seen.
almost all innovations and discoveries have been the product of aberrations, albeit serendipitous . if perfection was the way forward human civilization would have stagnated and never have advanced.
and even when we see that something is perfect it shall never be. the natural entropy will have created some aberrations that will render it its peculiar charm.
consider the leaning tower of pisa. had it not been leaning it would have been yet another church tower in a land of a million churches.


so should we not strive for perfection? i say we definitely should. unless we decide to strive for perfection there wont be any avenues for development. but we should see perfection for what it is - an idealism. a utopian idealism and nothing more.
just like good people live good life so that they go to a non existent heaven and thus live a a heavenly life here on earth.

in short you cannot enjoy the sights unless you start on a journey with a definite destination.

a philosophy on life

this is copied from some page i visited. but it sounded very sane to me.

A philosophy on life

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it?

A death. What's that, a bonus ? I think the life cycle is all backwards.

You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work.

You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement.

You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities.

You become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating... you finish off as an orgasm.

It's perfect !

Monday, February 11, 2008

another day of travels- back home

today was my sojourn back home. after a tasty breakfast of puttu and kadala , that very best of malayali cuisine i was on my way home. the bus journey to the railway station at angadipuram was not as gruesome as the earlier day, perhaps it was because i was all the more fresher and energetic now. but mr. lalu's enterprise was to play havoc with my dream of getting home soon. there was some indefinite delay of trains due to some track work.
then something interesting happened!!! a railway track repair vehicle was in the process of being shunted to a side track. this was one of those non- automated machines which was primarily dependant on human muscles and sinew to get the work done. it was pulled by a true antique of an engine. as it was being shunted there were some weird noises and then suddenly a huge iron rail leaped off the train onto the track. a railway man was at that precise stop just seconds earlier and if he hadn't moved from that spot some 1o seconds earlier my day would have started on a gruesome note- of having to see a man cut into two!!!!. but all was well. but not so for a concrete slab that was in the path of the thundering rail. it split into two and a portion fell about 3 ft away. now i watched the enterprising muscle men of railway gang , gang up and lever the rail using crow bars and excellent synchronism.
as a person with absolutely nothing to do except stand under a relentless sun it was a worthwhile sight. finally the train came up and i left for the main junction. on return leg to ernakulam i had to board a reservation compartment and the tc was cordial enough to upgrade my ticket for only rs. 50 extra. i was basking in that gratitude when a call came up. it was a quirky friend of mine who is also the self proclaimed ambassador of mars in india. usually we say men are from mars and women from venus but in the case of this enterprising amazon an exception can be made.

she was on her usual exuberance and was gushing out some words that sounded like "class.....bomb.... home.... train.... police" i had no idea what to make out, as is usually the case with her. finally she calmed down and told that there was a bomb alert in her college and all students were evacuated and she was on her way home. i was concerned. she is also one of my greatest friends and a little sister, but any harm to a martian will lead to drastic after effects for us hapless earthlings.
anyway she reached home safe and the scare turned out to be a hoax. after all which stupid terrorist would ever bomb an institution such as hers that turn out so many crazy students!!! if one can judge an institution by the sanity of one of its wards i get scared when i think abt some hundred of such students let out into indian streets when they are so excited!!! it would have been just like planting a bomb at NIMHANS.
as i was nearing my destination the genial TC came up and dropped his bombshell!!! i will have to disembark at a station before my city as otherwise i will have to pay an extra rs.130. having my resources dwindles already to rs.180 i had no choice. and hence my last bus trip of the day started from aluva to tripunithura.
an afternoon bus ride from aluva to tripunithura through ernakulam city (menaka route) especially when the weather is hot and humid and one is dying of thirst, a journey of 2 hours and th worst pollution in kerala, is indeed a breath taking experience!!!!!!!!

somehow i reached my home and lay down.

mostly i am a person who loves travelling and this trip came to a hair breadth of me losing that charm. but as i see it, the more hardships in the journey , the more exciting it is!!!! after all any experience can be seen as good or bad depending on the attitude with which we face it!!

anyway now it is time for me to edit my scanned designs of the tower i wrote abt earlier.
let me prepare ground for the next post which will be even more unreadable as any of these posts.
c ya!!

Sunday, February 10, 2008

aim of life- what is it?

a stupid question, right? yeah i know it is a stupid question and since the questioner is a stupid (me) there is no problem.
every person when asked about the purpose of life or the aim of his life tells "happiness" as a mantra to show that he is not like all those shallow people who say "money" "fame" "get hit by rolls royce phantom" etc etc.
but what i want to know is, what exactly is happiness? is it a momentary burst of ecstasy or a prolonged bout of elation? if we define happiness by these terms is it possible?

at times we seek and covet certain things and achievements. we feel that we will be happy when we get it. will we be?

NOTE: snazzed , sorry for the open plagiarism!!!!!

for example, when i wanted to buy an air rifle i was so passionate in my belief that i will be happy if i had it. but the actual obtaining of the gun and the subsequent shootings had been an anti-climax. the expected ecstasy will be absent and it may lead to our being deflated a lot.
similarly for a lot of instances when we anticipate the happiness due to something happening, when the something really happens the happiness may be too disappointing. it is like u expect trumpets , drums and showers of gold from the skies, when in actuality all we get a bloody honk from a passing car, and some lousy wind from under powered fan.
maybe we anticipate too much. we should always do anything being pessimistic about the results so that whenever anything good happens we shall be happy. indeed being happy is a mode of life but not the aim of life.
i think the aim of life is self satisfaction. just like end product of anything achieved is not happiness but even more self satisfaction. when u desire a bike for long and u try hard for it, the moment u finally lay hand on one as an owner it is indeed a joy par compare, but even more is the satisfaction of a victory well won, a sacrifice well made, a hard work well done.

as long as there is no self satisfaction will there be any happiness? a person can satisfy all his whims through dishonest ways being dishonest with himself more than others. he may enjoy all the pleasures he dreamed about, he may experience ecstasies unimaginable to rest of the people. but at the end of the day will he have self satisfaction? will he able to pat himself on his back and say " well done , old man"?
i believe , NO, but i may be wrong. after all, unfortunately i dont know any obscenely rich people , how much ever i may want to befriend them. so again my expoundings may be another form of jealousy.

that is why responding to a recent suggestion by an exceptional friend of mine about my gazillion dollar dream i said " perception of the thing is more satisfying for me than having the real thing itself". after all there is such a thing as enjoying utopia!!! after all if i had a mansion in malibu, an island in andaman, or a red hot rolls royce i will be more worried about the taxes and spares and maintenance of the confounded thing than be happy of being in possession of the thing itself. but when i dream myself as owning them i can edit out any unnecessary baggages but retaining the absolute joy of having them.
being a devotee of the matrix genre i am of the belief that "dreams need not be unreal"
so according to me purpose of life is self satisfaction.
now if some sage has/had a better idea please let me know. and please casticize me if i am wrong( but bear in mind that i am of a bearish countenance, huge and large, before commenting unfavorably).

a day of travels........

today i embarked on a two day trip to manjeri and nilambur, former is where my maternal uncle lives and latter is the maternal native place and where the temple of family deity is situated.

i woke up at 0500 using my mobile alarm quite easily enough because the reason i am waking up is to travel and not to study anything. i got ready and left home around 0545. i caught a private bus to reach the railway station. at this early in the morning wind was quite chilly and i dearly wished i had brought some cap or something to ward off the cold air now attacking my exposed ears with earnest, almost always a prelude to a nasty bout of cold. the queue at railway station was quite long and from snippets of conversation i over heard from fellow travelers i could make out that rush was even denser at the other ticket terminals. i really doubted if i could get a seat today. anyway thankfully i was on route being seated too!!! maybe i was the last person who got a free seat in that entire train before it started to lumber off. it was a pretty nice journey and slowly i became fading in and out of sleep. i was woken up to answer the ticket collector's call for producing tickets to be examined. now this also gave me a brain wave!!!
after due formalities with the official i began fermenting the idea i had!! design a tower home!!!
a 7-8 storeyed tower which will be an excellent home. i made a vague mental list of various floors and the function it would serve. but more importantly i had to decide on what type of lift and stairs and escape mechanisms i had to install as that would be vital in a construction of this sort. i thought about ballast driven lifts, hydraulic lifts, even tracked lifts. finally i decided upon a cage lift driven by an electric motor at the top of the shaft.
i also designed a stair mechanism such that it will take the minimum space, it shall go around the curvature of the tower so that no inner space will be utilized. then the escape mechanism. for that the best thing, i decided, would be the sort of poles used in fire stations and by batman in his lair.
anyway more on that later when i will upload the design pictures on this blog.
now onwards with my travels. after some more time in the train the emptiness of my stomach became quite excruciating for me. i did not want any of the dubious pooris or dosas they vended out. but i did buy a pack of 2 bread slices and an omelett which cost me 22 rs!!!! i would say that was daylight robbery in all its dastardliness!!!!
anyway it did appease my gastric system a bit.
while waiting for my onward train at the shornur junction station i witnessed a remarkable sight. it was breakfast time and three long distance trains had just pulled up with a veritable host of hungry passengers that needed vending to. so now this army of railway vendors were thronging this counter were they distributing vada , dosa and chutney. the entire sight was a mouth watering experience for a dedicated vada connoisseur like me. much though i was tempted to savor those rich, warm and crunchy vadas with dollops of those exquisite looking chutneys, i was turned off because of an accompanying swarm of house flies who were quite as great connoisseurs of culinary magnificences as myself if not as self controlled. seeing those little rascals dig into the treasure trove of vadas did take my appetite a bit, but not being a person to be disgusted by such sights, after all i did live on hostel food for 4 years, i finally decided to walk away heeding the voice of my inner self control and dietary attempt, " gokul, lay off!! u just had two cold slices of measly bread and one really louse omelett. you do not have to eat those exquisite vadas. after all they are fried in oil!!!"

now do u see how pathetic a loser i turned out to be.
anyway withing a short while the train came, i embarked and put my tower designs to paper, designs which i will torment u readers with in a day or so.
the journey in the shornur -nilambur route has always exhilirated me. this is a single lane route. only one train operates here. the scenery is breathtaking, the green fields, the awesome hills and a veritable mosaic of colours of a quintessential malappuram countryside. finally i disembarked at my angadipuram destination and caught a bus for manjeri for a 40minute back breaking ride in the regular small size seats of the private buses plying here.
finally i reached my uncle's house at noon. well that was the synopsis of today's travels but not the travails. evening i went with my cousin to watch a movie by suresh gopi, named "osund of boot" an exhilirating detective story with a great message conveyed.
and that is the end of the day's travels and travails.
more of the log tomorrow.

Friday, February 8, 2008

value of life

what is the value of life? how does one measure the value of life? is it valued according to any commercial parameter? is this amount of knowledge one has? is this the number of accomplishments one has? is it one's age? and finally is it one's species?

today while driving down a road i saw a stray puppy in the middle of the road. a geriatric was driving his maruti car straight at the puppy. i stopped my scooter and honked to scare the puppy away. thankfully any fatalities was avoided. that got me thinking. is a puppy's life any less valuable than a human being's life? after all it is still a life form!!!
now if it was a human child the geriatric might have been more careful. right?
as i got thinking i started reviewing the thread of human thought. whenever accidents occur with a number of human fatalities the reporting is often like this, x number of people were killed of whom y were women and z were children. no mention of men. perhaps they expect the reader to do the math to find the number of dead men. but often it is injuries to women and children that are given predominance over mishaps with men. why? is it because their lives are more important? or is it because society considers protection of women and children, the "weaker" section as its primary duty? is it genuine consideration or a mutated form of male chauvinism?

some years back there was a bus accident where lot of women sitting in their designated front side of the bus were killed. days later govt issued a new order that ladies' seats were to be at the back. so position occupied by ladies can be occupied by men, so that men can die more easily?

everyday a lot of people die and it is most often women's tragedies that get attention.

now coming to puppy case, according to budhism a person can go through many cycles of birth as various life forms, as an ant, a dog, a fish, a tiger anything basically. now that may be a quirky idea, but it still calls for a greater understanding for the value of life. this blog is not a statement but a listing of my various doubts. i mean, seriously how can we know the value of life?
or is there something as such.
thinking abt it when we smack off those dastardly mosquitoes do we consider that they are as alive as our pets, or even us? after all a life is still a life , ryt?
so basically i think we are all nepotic in giving more important to human species than to other species.

now i am starting to sound like maneka gandhi. dont worry i shall be a human nepotic to the end. and i do enjoy smacking off those mosquitoes especially when they drone in my ears when i am half asleep on warm days when kseb shuts down power at 2 am!!!!

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

gazillion dollar dream #1

i have a regular madness.
when i am utterly bored i start what i call the gazillion dollar dream. i imagine myself getting an almost infinite amount of money in an account, and then imagine how will i start spending from the next minute onwards. the pattern varies at different times.
this is one such example i cooked up yesterday.

"first transfer about 50 lakhs to my fed bank account. withdraw rs. 10 lakhs in cash from fed bank. hire a taxi, preferably an indica and go to ekm airtel office. recharge my mobile for rs.2000. go to online it shoppe and get myself a sony vaio laptop. also buy an airtel internet card for laptop. get a reliance card also.
go to mahindra showroom and order a luxury scorpio. go to toyota showroom and buy an innova. get an inbuilt tv and dvd player in it.
open up accounts at sbi and hsbc banks. deposit rs. 1 crore each in them. arrange for international visa cards.
clear the lic loans. clear the canara bank education loan.
order a brand new mercedes s class and a bmw coupe.
contact a real good real estate firm and buy a plot near le meridien. buy about 50 acres of land in kakkanad. buy up my ancestral home at nilambur.
buy a high rise apartment in kochi city with full view of naval base, port and taj malabar.
also buy up a large estate near gudalore.
get an apartment at bangalore, mumbai and delhi.
order a bombardier global xrs.
at the le meridien site build a medium sized villa, with an attached boat yard and an attached underground garage. get an exclusive high speed (100 mbps or gbps) net connection for the home. also get a satellite dish able to connect to any tv channel in the world. get myself a servo power computer with 2 x quad core, 5 gb ram, 50 tb hdd, wifi , wimax routers and a 18" and a 50 " monitor with 1 gb graphics card. get google earth pro. also get subscribed to jane's and all major satellite imagery websites.
buy myself a speedboat and a motorized yacht. moor the speedboat at the kundanoor home and the yacht at taj malabar and later at the marina. order a luxury submarine. build helipads at my kundanoor, kakkanad and gudalore properties.
buy a mi-38 helicopter for local uses. contract a chartered company for temporary use and for regular maintenance.
buy a royal enfield machismo-500.
keep a scorpio at tripunithura home.
buy a range rover and keep it at kundanoor.
buy a black rolls royce phantom and keep it at kakkanad.
buy the dream seaside property at north paravur and build a jetty there.
get a mahindra bolero invader 4x4 with sand tires over there. also an atv and a water scooter.
at the gudalore estate get a mahindra 4x4 jeep converted like willys.
get a second hand an-32 that can carry even a truck in it.
go to usa and buy a hummer h1 with special offroad tracks. also get a harley davidson.
wherever i go , i fly in my bombardier and my ride follows in my an32.
get a lifetime membership in manchester united football club. go on a world cruise in queen mary 2.
go to dubai and buy the indian island in world island project.

letting imagination fly- dreams reloaded!!!!

i am not talking about the truly great and how they dream with their eyes open and thus conquer the world. it is far from that context. i am telling of how we can create imaginary worlds where we can rest and escape from the hassles of our normal world. the serious disciplined may say that this is day dreaming , and i do agree with them.
after all what is wrong with day dreaming??
being a consummate sloth and an accomplished master in the art of laziness i do lot of day dreaming. but day dreaming attained a totally important significance when i happened upon dr. hannibal lecter. now any one acquainted with this magnificent creation of thomas harris will agree that this is one truly remarkable specimen. apart from his eccentric culinary tastes and his immense analytical capabilities the feature that most captivated me was his mnemonics.

mnemonics , according to definition is any set of tools or techniques that are used to facilitate in the increase of memory powers. now mr. lecter has taken that to wholly new levels. the book describes how being imprisoned in the baltimore asylum, mr. lecter kept himself occupied by his strain of mnemonics. he preserved his sanity and the shine of his cerebrum by immersing himself in a mnemonic castle where he preserved all his memories. being the consummate connoisseur all his passions and loves and knowledge he preserved in the rooms of his mental castle. all his favorite memories , all his favorite scents, favorite musics, books, people, everything he associated with items in that castle. when he had to recollect some details of clarice starling, he merely revisited the relevant room and gazed upon a symbolic painting and the details of it brought back the old memories , kinda like clicking a link in a webpage.

now isnt that absolutely remarkable? the catch is most of us do not have the cranial facilities of the fictional dr. hannibal lecter. so being a mere mortal i wondered how can i use this idea? so i hit upon the creation of my own virtual worlds where i cane scape when i am in the midst of the craziness that is daily life. i started imagining scenarios, situations, pleasures , horrors, (sometimes extremely kinky stuff too!!!) and this started occupying my mind, the mind of a basically introvert person. now these ideas slowly started stimulating my creativity. sometimes i would imagine myself to be the head of a highly militarized india and the means by which i would go about for global domination through military and diplomatic means. the entire plan would be made consulting a ttk world atlas!!! i would chart locations of force concentrations, locate bases, chart attack vectors and plot troop movements. by the time i am done my hapless atlas would be crisscrossed by a web of meaningless pencil marks and i will have to spend time rubbing them all off. god knows where that atlas is now!!!
then i started designing military bases with complete infrastructure details designed by me and modus operandi charted out. at school my friend renji and me were quite adept at it and even now that crazy bastard reminds me of those and we have a laugh.
i started designing institutions like schools, universities, hotels and ships. it was a lot of fun!!! all this meaningless crap defined my otherwise boring life. i loved to draw even though my drawings basically suck. still i drew for the pleasure of drawings, mostly with pencil.
my greatest designing work was a complete cruise liner i designed in my first year of engineering. it was a 15 storied super cruise liner. i designed all floors to the inch. i made templates of outer structure and filled each floor with necessary details.
the lifts matched, the stairs matched and there was even a two storied golf course beneath the sea level!!!! i also calculated the crew necessary to run it and emergency procedures, the complete works!!!! and the funny thing is after designing all the levels when i finally drew the entire ship acc to plan it sucked!!!! it was so ugly!!!!!!!!!!
i had a great laugh over that!!!!!

anyway nowadays i am more into gazillion dollar dreams, imagination of what all things i will do if i get a gazillion (close to infinity) amount of money the next day morning. u might think it is mundane, but i will regale with some of them. so stay in touch if u havent already applied to a cell near dr. hannibal lecter.

Monday, February 4, 2008

freemasonry and outsourcing- what a combination !!!!!

dont worry i am not promulgating some wild goose chase story of penetration of freemasons into the outsourcing industry.
the title is just the description of my day, today.
today i attended a job interview for a bpo company and i also met a freemason.

the job interview happened first so that i shall narrate.
i used my friend's scooter as my father needed ours. pleasant ride over all, considering the aweful traffic of ernakulam roads. i reached the 6th floor office of the firm, filed my name in a roster and joined some 4 other guys waiting for the interview. all those guys were prim and smart in their appearances while i was in my bohemian best!!! i though appearances wont matter, and i guess it didnt.
i waited for my chance and when i was interviewed i was comfortable, confident and gave a casual interview. the interviewer , who later learned was an mba from rajagiri college, and a trashy one at that, snuffed me off by saying that my grammer is poor. now that was the last thing i expected!!! she also said my "5" back papers were a problem too. well what to say, she made me wait another 20 humid minutes in a fanless room with 7 other hopelesses and finally it was the door for me.
it was a definite anti climax. in fact i was glad to escape from there. they apparrently had no openings at ernakulam and had vacancy only at chennai!!! now damned if i have to go to chennai to work at an out sourcing company!!!!!
later after a heavy lunch and a post lunch siesta at the public library i left for the freemason meeting.
the meet was in wellingdon island, an exotic location for a tripunithuraite like me. it was a pleasant ride with minimal traffic and a overcast sky, and a sweet breeze. i could have been lulled to sleep if i hadnt been riding a rackety scooter!!!
i had trouble finding the office but i found it in time and had an excellent meeting.
the distinguished old man who is the lodge master of ernakulam lodge of freemasons is also apparently the no.2 freemason in india!!!! it was an excellent conversation of about 30 mins and i was hooked. he gave me a card and a pamphlet and told me about the commitments that i would have to make. the rs. 8k starting and rs.2k annual fee really scared me off, but not as much was the dress code which required me wearing a black coat, black pants, white shirt, black belt, black socks and black shoes!!!!!!!!!!!
doesnt it make men in blacks ashamed!!!!!!!!!!
anyway after a pleasant chat with that nice old man i cam home to a cozy bath and my comp.
pretty uneventful ever since.

to think that this is an organisation that is about 1000 years old, dating from the knights templar of crusades, and consisting of such illustrious people as former members as da vinci, galielo, newton, george washington, swami vivekananda, c rajagopalachari etc, it is quite overwhelming.

and to think that an organisation that i thought to be predominantly a christian european phenomena flourishing here, and being so secular at it too!!!!!!
it is indeed amazing and i do hope that someday i can list my name with the creed of freemasonry.

Sunday, February 3, 2008

the magic of road

we all use road, the endless stretch of asphalt, rock and bitumen. but have we ever wondered the magic that is a road? a road unifies all corners of the globe. even islands they have roads continuing from ports and airports and the ports and airports are mere links between networks of roads. it wonders me that the road outside of my home in kochi can lead me directly in front of the buckingham palace, without any port/air port linkages!!!!!! the road that i use is the part of the same network of roads that was used by uncle laden when he was evading us troops in an ambulance!!!!
the road where i walk today has been walked by countless people before me and shall eb walked by countless people after me. what all fortunes would have been made or destroyed by people walking this very road? what all ideas may have originated in people who were walking along this very road?
to the quintessential unrequited romantic like me, it is a wonder to imagine that the girl of my dreams may be currently walking on another road that is linked to my road!!! so all that separates us is maybe some kilometers of tarmac, maybe in decimels or maybe in thousands.

when i walk on the road and see the endless stretch of tarmac before me i see the very best of human will. a road is constructed by sheer human will and strength. i am reminded of all those mountains leveled for a road to pass through, all those rivers bridged and rocks tunneled so that man is connected with his fellow man. nature has been forced to make way for the will of man and the product has been magical.
sometimes i wish that i had some supernatural powers, not that i want to fly, but that i must be able to transmit myself through road to any point on the road network much like how an electric charge travels through a conductor. the potholes and landslides wont matter because they are mere resistances and not dielectrics in the original conducting surface.
with the mere thought i can reach the louvre, i can see the big ben, i can walk beside the sexy women of vienna, i can travel alongside the speedsters of german autobahn, i can walk beside my dearest wherever she maybe!!!!

now whoever would think that this simple black connundrum of tar, rock and gravel can have such magic? the recipient of countless garbage, spittoon for the multitudes, the road, yes, is dirty. but withing the dirtiest coal block lies the brightest diamond, and should not we seek the see the diamond rather than the mountain of dirt covering it? isnt that what makes our lives happy?

what is the destiny of the human species?

today when we are all so worked up about global warming and about saving the planet for future generations, i cant help but feel cynically pessimistic about our high hopes and lofty aspirations about human destiny.
is there anyone who is deluded to think that we, human beings can exist forever? in cosmic terms human society has not lasted for even an eye wink, and how longer do we aspire to survive?
perhaps human destiny is not to exist forever but to prolong our existence for as long as it can. and once we are extinct why should we care about the planet?
speaking of human destiny i review the epic words spoken by the indomitable agent smith in the matrix 1. he spoke of how human beings are the parasites that feed on the planet earth. how human beings need to multiply in numbers to survive as a civilization. now is that not true? we live on an island where our population is ever increasing and the resources are being depleted faster than it can ever be replenished. the graph is almost logarithmic in curve.
the past 150 years have seen more development than the entire 5000 years or so before. how did this logarithmic increase in technology and life happen? is it some sort of magnificent postlude of human civilization? all this knowledge, all this technology all these scientific wonders?

well whatever it may mean, one need not definitely worry about it. after all why worry about something that is inevitable!!! we just have to live our lives being honest to ourselves.

adisankara, the great hindu sage had once said of human beings, " it is our greatest folly in considering our lives as the very center of the universe when in fact we are so insignificant in cosmic proportions and reckonings." appending to that swami vivekananda said, " true , and it is that characteristic which is the single greatest laudable aspect of human beings. even though we are so insignificant we live our lives so well being absolutely honest to our selves. if we consider ourselves insignificant why would anyone strive for perfection, goodness or any noble qualities?"
we strive for these qualities only because we believe that it can actually make a difference.

is that not greatness?

well i think so.

first post.

ahoy!!! the unsuspecting unfortunate reader. let me warn you that you will be facing a lot of drivel from the mind of a person who has been certified as insanely crazy by his friends unanimously and abjectly stupid by his teachers and a total loser by the world in general.
so while you have the bandwidth use them at a more productive blog or a website.